Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
