He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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