I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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