Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
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