If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
