I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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