just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Randomize
