I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
