My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize