wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
