It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
