Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
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