if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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