I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Randomize
