Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
