Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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