Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
he puts the penis in happiness.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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