he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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