you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
