There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
