we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
