I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Randomize
