We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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