I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
