So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
