I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
