i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Need sex. Gaining weight.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
