your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
