what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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