So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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