you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Randomize
