moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
