My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
