I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
She needs sedatives and a leash
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
