ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
