During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
