I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
