Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I need to stop coming to work sober
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
