I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
