They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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