FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
