I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Success! We fucked roommates!
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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