I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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