how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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