she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
