Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
God I need to hump something, right now.
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