Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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