i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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