I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
