Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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