East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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