ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
