I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
