What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize