Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
