He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
