then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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