We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
