All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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