I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
