Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
