And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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